Meant To…Never Did

“I thought about taking you with me, but I knew you wouldn’t want to leave Tim with the kids.” And with that, she picked up her Samsonite traincase and was out the door, leaving me standing speechless in the middle of her kitchen.

For years Mother and I talked about taking a trip together. Both of us loved to travel, but we hadn’t gotten around to a “just us” trip. Now I had a husband and three children that I would have gladly thrown under the bus for a few days away with her.

Then she died—too young and with too much of life left to live. We meant to have a big adventure…but we never did.
On a cold December day, I learned that the future was terribly unreliable, and all I had for sure was the present. Things that found their way relegated to my “someday” list had better move up quickly or be forever doomed to the “Oh well” pile. Some pesky life lessons hurt a little more than others.

Eventually I decided to write a Life List, a collection of those things that I wanted to accomplish, a roadmap, a focus for fuzzy days. The list was short; only three items—enjoy the day, travel the globe, and write the stories. Left standing in my mother’s kitchen with my mouth hanging open was a seminal experience. That three course menu called a Life List was proof positive that I got it.

On Wednesday my daughter, Rachel, and I are leaving for London and Paris. We chose this particular trip, because she wanted lots of free time to wander and avoid as much history as humanly possible. Ignoring the obvious disdain for my most beloved subject, I bit my tongue, bought the plane tickets, and Googled “shopping—London.” This trip wasn’t about museums.

What exactly does one pack for such a trip? A few clothes, comfortable shoes, a corkscrew, a camera, and credit cards. A small photo album full of pictures of Bryan, Tyler, and Anna Lauren, my three pollywogs, and Tim’s Blackberry in case I want to call home. And the blue bauble necklace and bracelet made from an especially long string of beads found in Mother’s old jewelry box. She wouldn’t want to miss our big adventure.

Meant to…

Gay Wanderlust
June 17, 2008